Wednesday, September 5, 2018

Expectations and What They Do to Our Relationships

I grew up in a family that tended to expect certain things from you and, whether or not you lived up to those expectations, determined, in the end, how you were treated.

If you lived up to an expectation, you were praised and doted upon; if you didn't disappointment in you...your thoughts...your actions...was expressed in every possible speech, attitude, and mannerism...and sometimes the disappointment was expressed in various ways for hours, days, weeks, months, or, even, years later. Grudges were held and, sadly, many disappointments remained and were carried to the grave.

In years of late, I have come to realize that, in some areas, I am guilty of being the same way. It hurts my heart when I notice this type of behavior in my own life, or witness it in the lives of those I love. It's not intentional and I absolutely abhor it! 

Every single person, whether they acknowledge it or not, was created in the image of God, and has worth and value. Every single person has the need, and the right, to be loved and to be given grace and forgiveness when they need it...whether they deserve it or not. 

It hurts my heart when I see those within my own family (including myself), that, when they were the one in need of love, grace, and forgiveness, it was freely granted, but, yet, when it comes to others in the family that are in need, they withhold and refuse the very same. It's not right.  

I don't know who said it originally, but one of my favorite quotes came from Michelle Duggar. She said, "Expectations ruin relationships" and how true that is! It's not really people that we have a problem with. It's our expectations of them that keep so many of the wedges that separate us in place. 

Now, in this, I'm not saying that you have to put up with things within your own household that go against the principles by which you choose to live your life, but I do believe that if we stopped expecting everyone else to live up to our expectations, and try to meet them where they are...purposely choose to see that everyone is in a different place...physically, mentally, emotionally, and life, in skills, in thought processes...and we chose to come along side and help and encourage, instead of kicking everyone when they're down or disowning them because they're not living up to our place and skill level in life at the time, things would be much better and families (and every other relationship) would be much closer and times spent together would be more enjoyable.

Personally, I don't want ruined relationships. And when I'm gone I don't want to be remembered as a bitter and hard-hearted woman. My trust and hope should be in God...not people.

Therefore, it is with renewed determination that I vow to live by the Biblical mandates found in the following scriptures:

"Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you: do ye even so to them..." (Matthew 7:12)

"Owe no man any thing, but to love one another..." (Romans 13:8)

"...let us not be weary in well doing..." (Galatians 6:9)

I pledge to be fiercely loyal to my husband (first), children and grands (second), all extended family members (third), and all others after that.

What about you? What are your expectations? What about others and their expectations of you?

If you're reading this and you've made some mistakes...if others have held high expectations of you and you've failed them...or, perhaps, you're the one who who has held high expectations of others and been left feeling disappointed, slighted, deprived, hurt, and angry...remember...every single person has value and worth. God so loved every single person that He sacrificed His Son for them (John 3:16). Do you realize that, if you had been the only person ever born, He still would have done the same just for YOU? That's how much God loves you! (And everyone else, too.) Now...whether we we choose to accept that sacrifice is up to us, but, still, Jesus bled and died for all and, according to His Word, it is God's will that all men should be saved (I Timothy 2:3-4). 

I don't know where you're at in all of this today, but I feel like this post is, not only for myself, for someone else out there. If you're reading this, and you feel that this message is for you, too, please, feel free to contact me privately so that I can stand in agreement in prayer with you for whatever you're facing. 

Until next time...

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  1. Thank you for a very good reminder and timely article. Love is what sets Christianity apart and we can only walk in love when we release the expectations that we have on others. Learning about expectations has been a turning point in my relationship with Christ and others. Also, learning that most conflicts stem from a selfish motive of "my rights have been violated". Jesus gave up His rights, and if Jesus, the Creator of the universe was humble enough to release His right to be recognized as King, what can we possibly find that gives us the right to be recognized, or immune from others negative comments or thoughts. One other bit of Scripture that has become my life goal is Romans 12:9-15. It's my opinion that if I had to choose one passage from Scripture that summed up the Christian life, this is it. Thank you. I hope this makes sense.


  2. Thank you for commenting, Amber, and, yes, amen! You've made some very good points and have added depth to what I was trying to convey in this post. Thank you! Have a great day and blessings! <3

  3. Hello, I went by to say hello, since I've been disconnected from everything for a long time. As always I love your work. That I still think that they are not chapucillas, but great works. A kiss.


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